Horoscope for the week of July 17, 2002

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Strongside/Weakside: Jurgen Klinsmann

Despite leading the U.S. men’s national team through the so-called “Group of Death” in the 2014 World Cup, Jurgen Klinsmann has come under heavy criticism this week after his side finished fourth in the 2015 Gold Cup. Is he any good?

How Apple Plans To Rebound From Apple Watch Flop

With sales of the Apple Watch reportedly down 90 percent since its initial release, Apple is suffering in the wearables market and faces a lack of enthusiasm about its latest product. Here are some ways Apple can improve the watch and prevent the company from falling into a slump:
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

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Horoscope for the week of July 17, 2002

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Since you've been searching for its meaning for years and are no closer to finding the answer, the stars will help you: It's Spanish for "the crazy life."
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The old adage, "If you fall, get right back up on the horse," is sound enough advice, but it assumes you own the horse and that you weren't knocked off by a Medieval Times employee.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You just haven't been able to shake the feeling that you'd be a whole lot better off if you were A.J. Foyt.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your desire always to have the last word will prove excruciating next week while singing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" in a round.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Though you do everything you can do to save the girl's life, the only thing you can do is juggle and do a few simple card tricks.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Someday, you'll look back on all of this and laugh very, very bitterly.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    By this time next week, you'll either be hung or hanged. Our apologies for any inconvenience the ambiguity may cause.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will soon be exposed to the most rocking music ever, but due to your unrockable nature, you will remain profoundly unrocked.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The stars were going to shout, "Look out! Behind you!" but you probably wouldn't fall for that old trick. Even though there really is a guy with a gun there.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Though juries are supposed to look for probable cause before finding a defendant guilty, yours will decide to sink you for being such a fatso.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    The universal variation from one person to the next may be broad and deep, but, somehow, everyone in your family always winds up being lawyers.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Oh, and be careful of that tricky first step. It isn't there.