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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Horoscope for the week of July 23, 2003

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will pass away next week at the age of 95, heralded as a beloved entertainer despite being in your late 20s and generally disliked at the moment.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    They'll soon put you in a secure, soundproof, knife-filled room where you can't hurt anyone but yourself.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Although you honestly believe you do a better job of it than they could, finishing other people's sentences for them is still a real dick move.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    It's true that they say all is fair in love and war, but be advised that some still consider the use of nerve gas barbaric in either circumstance.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The job market and the economy are both pretty dismal right now, but take heart: No one would hire you even if things were perfect.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    All signs point to you having a quiet, uneventful week, but the stars' gut feelings nonetheless say different.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Police are forced to concede that the blowtorch really was for making crème brûlée after finding several of the desserts among the charred and smoking corpses.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The doctors will tell you you're only in for a routine colonoscopy, but then the minor-key calliope music will begin.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    This will be a very romantic period for Sagittarius, which beats the hell out of the weepy, self-absorbed pre-Raphaelite period you've been going through.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    This is a great time to start new projects, as long as they don't involve a router, a band saw, or tungsten inert gas welding.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You've never believed that "love conquers all," but that will change when love invades the area, enslaves your subjects, and sows your fields with salt.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    This week will be a series of excruciatingly painful metaphorical and physical low blows for you.

More from this section

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

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