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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Horoscope for the week of July 24, 2002

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    The jury won't buy your story of demonic possession. Which is no big deal, because the demon just wanted your Milk Duds.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You do not subscribe to the sinful, heretical theory of evolution. You do, however, subscribe to Young & Chubby Bubble Bottom.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Though it's been years, you haven't given up hope that the government will issue a formal apology for calling you a spoiled, self-centered brat.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You won't accept the "Gaia" theoryóthe notion that the entire Earth is one huge organismóso long as the cacti are your friends and the ferns want you dead.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    It's okay to tell a girl you like the way she walks, as long as you do it politely, and she's not an amputee who uses those clip-on arm canes.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Actually, your form of love is a crime, but, due to a loophole, you're not guilty.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    It might be the absolute last straw, but at least it's one of those fun and colorful flexi-straws.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will soon experience a mystical transformation into a higher form of pure, ultimate consciousness, but you still won't be a "math person."
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    War will ravage the land, leaving cities in ashes and causing no stone to lay atop another, when you try to enforce your definition of classic rock.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Though you and the dedicated cop will have many things in common, such as a love of the hunt and a taste for danger, it can only end one way.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You have the freedom to choose, and therefore have the potential to transcend your very nature through an act of will, but you will only choose extra cheese.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    By the time you finally learn to relax and/or live with yourself, your vacation and/or life will be almost over.

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