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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Horoscope for the week of July 27, 2005

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    There's no shame in being a little depressed from time to time. There is, however, lots of shame in washing dozens of cheese-filled pancakes down your throat with bourbon because of it.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    No one can say you're not a good father, but that's because your kids' very existence has been a closely guarded state secret for many years.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You've always feared change in your life, so relax: You're going to be in a nice, stable coma for the foreseeable future.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your only rule is never to volunteer for anything, which sucks when people ask if you'd like a big bag of money.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Advances in medical technology will soon make it possible for EMTs to train on highly advanced mannequins, leaving you with absolutely nothing to do on nights and weekends.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You'll soon be so fat that, when you sit around the Morbid Obesity Intensive Cardiac Therapy Center at Mount Sinai, you sit around the Morbid Obesity Intensive Cardiac Therapy Center at Mount Sinai.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    The other guys keep telling you to get rid of that beard you've had since college, but not only are you quite fond of her, she is also the mother of your two darling daughters.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You'll be getting plenty of hot and heavy action in the near future, but unfortunately for your love life, it's mostly the explosions, car chases, and heavy gunfire kind of action.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You thought you'd have a hard time finding steady work as a compliant sexual zombie, but next week will demonstrate that there's always a demand for real talent.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Having a foot fetish is one thing, but chopping the feet off of a perfectly good woman and discarding the rest is just plain wasteful.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Right now, you have no knowledge of basic metallurgy, but after next week's trip to the foundry, you'll be keenly aware of the exact melting point of lead.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Wearing white after Labor Day isn't the faux pas it once was, but wearing the same tattered white wedding dress from now until Labor Day is going to be seen as somewhat odd.
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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