Horoscope for the week of June 16, 1999

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Journeyman Fan Joins Sixth NFL Team In 5 Years

HELENA, MT—Continuing his lengthy trek around the league, sources confirmed Friday that 36-year-old journeyman fan Brian Ferretti has joined the Arizona Cardinals, his sixth team in the past five years.

Is The Nation Ready For The Next Katrina?

Friday marks the 10-year anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans, and many commentators have argued that not enough has been done over the past decade to address infrastructure and emergency response issues that could put coastal cities nationwide, including New Orleans, at risk of a catastrophe on a similar scale. Is the nation prepared for another Katrina?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Horoscope for the week of June 16, 1999

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You need to achieve a sense of balance in life. If not, elemental forces beyond your control will send you constantly crashing to the ground.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Nobody takes what you say seriously. Consider using expressive hand gestures.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The stars hope you enjoyed this week’s journey over water. Next week on Gemini: celebrity make-overs!
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your efforts to achieve notoriety by streaking in public has yet to bear fruit. Try doing it naked.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You will be given reason this week to doubt the Biblical saying, "Half a dried goat carcass is better than none at all."
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Due to the decline in September birthdays, Virgo has been forced to supplement its income by selling advertising space. Thousands see this space each week... Your ad could be here!
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Despite singing, baking cookies and shopping, you won’t be able to get into the Christmas spirit this week.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will emerge from the turmoil of next week a changed man, mostly because of your new set of giant mandibles.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The sight of Pluto in your sign means that someone has very sharp eyes: Any astrologer knows that Pluto can’t be seen with the naked eye!
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Capricorns are dynamic, ambitious and outgoing, which makes it kind of strange that you're such a goddamned pussy.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    A new mantra might aid in your personal healing process. This time, choose one that won't deeply offend passersby.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    As you emerge from this time of seclusion, your sensual self re-emerges. But try to do a better job of hiding it from the Animal Control Board.