Horoscope for the week of June 19, 2002

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Horoscope for the week of June 19, 2002

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    No one will believe that the threats and angry demands for payment in the ransom note were meant as an elaborate joke.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Though it feels as if you'll live your whole life without anyone ever appreciating you, don't give up yet. There's still more than a week left.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You still haven't had any luck finding someone who doesn't make undignified noises, strange faces, or jerky movements during orgasm.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Remember: When using a chisel gouge, use the bevel and not the shank to make your cuts, go perpendicular to the grain, and strap the nurse down tight.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The wheels of fate have begun the inexorable turning that will one day lead to your bitter divorce from Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Plaxico Burress.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Disappointment is yours when you overestimate the power of the human spirit.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    The thing that finally sends you over the edge turns out to be your missing the season finale of Witchblade.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You'll soon find yourself in the midst of a power struggle, as two corrupt and ruthless families fight for control of a small town. Whatever you do, don't trust the drunken undertaker.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The race does not always go to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but the job of lead singer always goes to the guy with the best hair.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will have one of the worst days of your life next week. However, since it's one of several thousand worst days of your life, it's not all that significant.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    A bizarre series of events will lead to your selling real estate in a small town in New Jersey.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will learn that the downside to taking the easy way out isn't that bad, after all.