Horoscope for the week of June 21, 2000

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NASA Deploys Congressional Rover To Search For Funding

WASHINGTON—Calling the program “the most crucial in the agency’s history,” researchers at NASA announced Wednesday they have successfully deployed a Special Exploratory Rover to Congress as part of an open-ended mission to seek out any possible trace of funding on Capitol Hill.

What The Planet Will Look Like In 2100

As scientists try to project the effects of climate change into the future, many of these forecasts only go as far as 2100, a year beyond which the alterations to our environment become much harder to predict. Here is a breakdown of what we can expect our world to look like in 2100

Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

ARIES: You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Horoscope for the week of June 21, 2000

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Although your life has been uneventful up until now, there is something special in store for Aries.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Due to an odd arrangement of the constellations, you will be born the oldest son of Thomas Fludd, Treasurer of War to Queen Elizabeth, later this week.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will receive a mass-mailed document from God informing you that, despite earlier third-party claims to the contrary, He does indeed make junk.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your shy and retiring temperament does not preclude your running down the street naked and on fire next Thursday.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You will be publicly ridiculed when the ghost of Jose Canseco denies your story.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You know, Virgo has to admit itñyou're just such a nutty wack-meister that the stars have no gosh-darned idea what you're going to do next!
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You may be tired of your migraines, but don't worry. There's only one left to go.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Although you believe that Grandma's hands are now guiding you from Heaven, she's actually trying to get the undertaker's stitches out of her eyes with her left while scratching feebly at the coffin lid with her right.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The day of judgment is finally upon you, but you may still avoid the wrath of the universe: Skip the lame excuses and just pay the stupid speeding ticket.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    It's really starting to look like you'll never be asked to join Split Enz.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Your tragic visit to the U.S. Mint is a windfall for coin collectors, who will soon pay up to $1,000 for pennies stamped with tiny pieces of you.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Although the surgeons would like to cheer you up any way they can, the law won't let you keep your legs in glass jars.