Horoscope for the week of June 23, 1999

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Horoscope for the week of June 23, 1999

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    It's time to come to terms with your less-than-perfect childhood. After all, you did get to meet Robin Ventura during his tour of minimum-security group homes.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    A magical world of sensual enjoyment will come to your door this week, provided your check is from a local bank and numbered above 1000.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You should quit telling people that God is your co-pilot. You know damn well He just works the radio set.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You will be unable to shake the feeling that Latin pop is the next big thing.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The sun in your sign indicates that you shouldn’t go outside and look directly at your sign until a few hours have passed.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Fortune is yours this week: You’ve been pre-approved for the exciting new Virgo Platinum Card with Double Cashback Bonus!
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    A brief period of confusion over the words "horizontal" and "vertical" will screw up your TV picture for hours.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will be given a new reason to believe in ancient astronauts when you see Buzz Aldrin on the news. He looks about 102, for chrissakes.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your ability to discern among monkeys, apes, chimps and mandrills will come in handy when you tell the zookeeper exactly what happened.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Be more sensitive to people's needs this week. For instance, nursing students chained in one's basement need food, water and access to restroom facilities.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Friday will find you lost and alone in a world you never made. Try to ignore the feeling until you can get back to the office on Monday.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will once again try and fail to sleep your way to the top of K2, the world’s second-highest mountain.