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How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

A Timeline Of Trump’s Relationship With The Press

President-elect Donald Trump routinely insists that he is treated unfairly by the press, while many in the news industry have openly expressed how difficult it can be to report on him in today’s chaotic media environment. Here is a timeline of the major events that have shaped this relationship.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

The Pros And Cons Of Universal Basic Income

As Finland tests a program to give a universal basic income to unemployed citizens, many wonder if a similar initiative could work in the United States. Here are some pros and cons of such a program:

What Compromising Information Does Russia Have On Donald Trump?

On Tuesday, it was reported that leaders of American intelligence agencies had given Donald Trump a memo advising that Russia had gathered compromising personal information about him as part of a wider effort to disrupt the election, though these claims remain unsubstantiated and both the president-elect and the Kremlin deny these reports. Here’s a look at what damaging information Russia may have in its possession.

Treat Yourself Right

This past year was a tough time for Smoove. You may remember that early on in the year, my favorite white silk suit was ruined by my dry cleaner. Not only did this mean losing one of my freshest outfits, but it also meant having to search for a new cleaner, as the trust between us had been broken beyond repair. The search for a new dry cleaner was ultimately successful, but it was long and exhausting.

How Confirmation Hearings Work

On Tuesday, Congress began holding confirmation hearings to evaluate the fitness of President-elect Donald Trump’s cabinet nominees for their offices. Here is a step-by-step guide to the confirmation hearing process.
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Horoscope for the week of June 6, 2001

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will realize that just because an idea comes to you in a dream doesn't make it any good after spending millions establishing a projectile-flooring business.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You've stuck to your diet and deserve a reward. Let yourself come between an enraged mother polar bear and her cubs just this once.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    After discovering the lost manuscript to George Orwell's 1975, you are silenced by the government for knowing subversively kitschy secrets.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    There are some things that only become funny when you look back on them years later. Next Wednesday, however, will seem funny almost instantly.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Your word will never be bond again when you violate your age-old vow never to be caught dead in beige pumps.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Not to make you feel any worse, but even Virgo knows that drawing to fill an inside straight is a bad idea. Idiot.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will be praised by needy upper-middle-class families everywhere when you found the first charity dedicated to helping the vacation-home-less.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will be metaphorically drawn and quartered after misusing the word "literally" four times in one conversation.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your impromptu conga line across the Mideast will somehow fail to bring peace to the region.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will witness many instances of comedy as a delightful, if unexpected, secondary benefit of next week's floor-buttering experiment.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Remember: You didn't become a screen-door-factory worker for the money or the fame. Remind yourself of this constantly.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will spend an entire day in New York City without meeting a soul. You will, however, meet dozens of actual people.

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