Aries | March 21 to April 19
Your love is a burning love, one whose tremendous depth and strength is not to be denied. Too bad it's a love of pancakes.
Taurus | April 20 to May 20
You will make an exciting and final journey about halfway over water this week.
Gemini | May 21 to June 20
You will make chess history when you discover that Fisher's fabled Moscow Gambit can be beaten through the use of treachery, deceit, and land mines.
Cancer | June 21 to July 22
There may or may not be a new star in Cancer's sky, depending on whether you think Kris Kristofferson is a star.
Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22
Though your fiendish plan is overly complicated and bound to fail, everyone agrees that it is remarkably fiendish.
Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22
With the help of an especially long, hot shower, you will singlehandedly bring your apartment into the Age of Steam.
Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
Another week goes by in which major heads of state fail to consult you on crucial foreign-policy decisions.
Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21
If you continue to be persistent in asking Dr. Love, he'll eventually answer. Then you'll be really sorry.
Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21
This is no time to selfishly put your own needs before those of loved ones. Wait for summer.
Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
Your wife will scream another man's name in the heat of passion, launching you on a 30-year quest to find and kill this mysterious "Honey."
Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
Most disagreements result from either things you do or things you say. Notice that we did not say "things one does or says," as it's all you.
Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20
The stars indicate through little hints and asides that their birthday is coming up, and they would just love that adorable little tennis bracelet.
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