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Horoscope for the week of March 12, 1997

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Saudi Authorities Decry Wasteful 3-Hour Death-Row Appeals Process

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Criticizing the amount of time and money wasted between a condemned individual’s sentencing and eventual execution, Saudi government officials expressed frustration Monday over the country’s costly three-hour appeals process for convicts facing the death penalty.

Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

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Horoscope for the week of March 12, 1997

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will lose hundreds of dollars when you bet on author James Clavell to win, place and show in the Indy 500.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Past mistakes will come back to haunt you this week when your traffic-ticket hearing is complicated by the untimely discovery of those seven nurses in Oregon.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will make headlines nationally when more than two dozen people witness your brutal, protracted public slaying and make no attempt whatsoever to help you.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The triumphant return of Jesus turns sour when he demands to play keyboards for your Bad English tribute band.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Your scheme to score with your date by slipping something into her drink while she goes off to the bathroom backfires when it turns out she despises the taste of Hydrox cookies.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Your judgment is called into question when, despite the strong advice of your friends down in the marketing department, you decide to go ahead with plans to launch a winter invasion of Russia.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Aliens descend upon your house this week, implanting in your subconscious the stong suggestion to take up model railroading.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    A great honor is bestowed upon you this week when Pam Dawber records a new answering-machine message for you free of charge.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Everything you desire shall be yours this week, providing you do not under any circumstances read your horoscope.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Your dead father will cause awkwardness among your family this week when he is reincarnated as your son.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    To your great embarrassment, you discover this week that the purchase of a cellular phone does not require you to choose a "handle."
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    During the celebration of your birthday, your best friend will crystallize your thoughts when she says, "This is the worst party ever."

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