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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Horoscope for the week of March 13, 2002

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Though everything seems to be going fine between you and your love interest, you will be stricken with cancer to create dramatic tension in the third act.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You will continue your pattern of taking two steps forward and thirty or forty back toward the nearest tavern.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Your friend Nathan will continue to display talents and skills that make you seem boring by comparison.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your upcoming appearance on a popular wildlife show will provide a cautionary example to whale-watchers for years to come.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    When driving through the desert, you should never stop and eat mysterious piles of birdseed, even if "FREE BIRDSEED" signs are stuck in them.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You will soon learn the hard way that "motherly love" means different things to different mothers.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will be unable to get the Led Zeppelin song "Stairway To Heaven" out of your head after discovering an actual stairway to heaven in a vacant lot.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Pain and humiliation will be your lot when a scheduling snafu pits you against the Detroit Red Wings two nights in a row.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The paramedics will find it much easier to load you into the ambulance if they remember to bring a few buckets.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Try not to hold those you love to impossible standards, such as being able to love you back.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You will find it hard to emulate Alexander the Great as long as you are forced to work with Sandra the Dippy.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Soon, you'll be savoring the sly satisfaction of getting away with something, but don't be too smug: That would be too much alliteration.
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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