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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Horoscope for the week of March 14, 2001

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    There's a lot to be said for self-improvement, but making yourself more aerodynamic is probably a waste of time.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Your generosity with others pays off this week when the terrorists spare most of the hostages in exchange for a helicopter and one million Swiss francs.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You're one of those hyper-competitive sorts who believe that something as trivial as a foosball loss makes you a lesser person. Well, it does.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    It's time to end your long, foolish disagreement with an old friend. Her pronunciation of "tomato" is, in fact, correct.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Look at it this way: Nine times out of ten, you probably would have charmed that snake.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You will commit a classic dating faux pas this week when, at a classy French bistro, you shoot your dinner companion 17 times.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your theory that the human scalp is an ablative heat shield designed to burn off upon re-entry into the atmosphere will be disproved in government tests.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Deny it all you want, but that giant robot from the Queen album cover is real and he hates you.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Just because you once shoplifted a candy bar in Toronto, that doesn't make you a "suave international criminal."
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Try to overcome your fear of trains this week. Stand in front of one to prove it can't possibly hurt you.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You can't shake the feeling that there's much more to life than watching Rockford Files reruns all day. However, you can live with it.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The stars expect you to be professional and abide by their decision to kill you off to boost ratings and move the sluggish storyline along.

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