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DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

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Most Notable Google Ventures

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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

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ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Horoscope for the week of March 17, 1998

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your attempt to publish your account of a year-long trip down China's Yellow River will meet with strong opposition. Change your name from Irene Paulette Freely to something more dignified.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Now that Ray Nitschke has passed on, Dick Butkus will be assigned to follow you around and keep you on your toes.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Your lack of purpose in life prompts you to turn to the phone book, where you find the inspiration and strength you need to go on.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your sighs of relief over the recent asteroid false alarm will be short-lived, as you have developed thick, yellow toenail fungus.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Your efforts to fit in are failing, but it's not entirely your fault. Try relocating to a place where the locals tend to be more tolerant of people with giant, pulsating humps.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The same people who called you a big fat walrus will suck up to you shamelessly when you are chosen to star in the hot new CBS sitcom Mrs. Folds' Slovenly Adventures.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You finally come to terms with the brutal, unsolved 1974 murder of your little brother when you remember that you beat him to death with an ice skate.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Avoid putting too much faith in trite, vaguely worded generalizations that concern your future.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You will abandon all rational thought and join a cult that worships a jealous old man with a white beard who can read your mind.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Everyone wants to earn your favor this week. This is because you are a judge on the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Your goal of adopting a more open, European approach to your sexuality will be denounced by every nation in Europe except Germany.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will soon be down to your last biscuit, but it seems that no one will help you out from under the log.

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