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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Horoscope for the week of March 20, 2002

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your excitement over the new arrival in your life is shattered when it is born with antlers.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The stars indicate that they have stepped out for a moment and will be back at 3 p.m., if the little clock on their door can be believed.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The men from the government will exercise a surprising amount of patience while explaining to you that income taxes are not determined by essay.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Those closest to you will continue to try and edge away as politely and quietly as possible.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    By all means, move confidently in the direction of your dreams, as long as that means spending a great deal of time asleep.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Your assumption that the dog doesn't know how funny he looks in the wig assumes a lot about canine intelligence, dignity, and sexuality.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your impassioned calls for equality between the races continue to go unheeded by the world's cetacean rulers.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    As much as you try to control your own destiny, the Hands of Fate will intervene several times next week, knocking you into puddles for their own amusement.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Recent events have strengthened your resolve to finally get around to burning all those bodies you've got lying around.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will feel clearer and more organized but somehow less vital when the story of your life is professionally copy-edited.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Your extremely trying week will not be improved by your decision to deal with all problems by leaning on the horn.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will successfully foil a secret plot to infiltrate your house and surprise you with birthday gifts, cake, and good wishes.

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