Horoscope for the week of March 24, 1999

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How Campaigns Spend Their Money

The 2016 election cycle is shaping up to be the most expensive in American history, with most presidential candidates already having raised tens of millions of dollars for their respective campaigns. Here is a breakdown of just how that money is spent:

Fan Can’t Believe He Left 11 Seconds Into Ronda Rousey Fight

RIO DE JANEIRO—Kicking himself for not staying all the way until the end of the fight and subsequently missing its thrilling finish, local mixed martial arts fan Marcos Acosta expressed both disappointment and regret Tuesday for leaving UFC 190’s main event between Ronda Rousey and Bethe Correia after 11 seconds.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Horoscope for the week of March 24, 1999

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    At long last, you finally achieve total domination of the woodwind section of the Berlin Philharmonic.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Don't worry: There's nothing wrong with your outlook, career plans or enormous set of antlers.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    All your deepest hopes and dreams will finally come true this week for someone other than yourself.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Long airplane, car or boat trips may signal travel for adventurous Cancer this week.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    This would be a bad time to discontinue your practice of firing several warning shots through every closed door you encounter.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    This is your time: Stop even pretending to be the selfless, giving person everyone knows you’re not.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Fortune passes everywhere this week. However, it passes you so quickly that you may be badly hurt.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    It would be best if you didn't leave the house this week. Candice Bergen is still out there, and she has a long, long memory.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The stars have seen you gazing up at them, and they now answer your unspoken question: Yes, they are real.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Contrary to the predictions of several experts, you will actually find it rather simple to breed in captivity.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Take time out to consider your own mortality this week, but be sure to do it before your Friday-morning train ride.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    This is an illusion. Make good use of your time, Buddy Boy.