Horoscope for the week of May 11, 2005

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Strongside/Weakside: Serena Williams

Serena Williams is aiming to clinch a historic calendar Grand Slam at this year’s U.S. Open, forever enshrining her as the last American tennis player worth talking about. Is she any good?

The Pros And Cons Of Legalizing Prostitution

Several global advocacy groups, including the World Health Organization, Amnesty International, and Human Rights Watch, are calling for the decriminalization of prostitution, but many are fighting to keep the practice illegal, citing the moral, ethical, and practical concerns of condoning the sale of sex. Here are the pros and cons of legalizing prostitution:
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Fatherhood

  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Horoscope for the week of May 11, 2005

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    After a grueling three-year investigation, the National Transportation Safety Board will rule that a faulty steering valve in your tail section caused your tragic crash into that shopping mall.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You'll be pressured to resign as chairman of the board of directors when it comes to light that you are, in fact, absolutely terrible at sitting at the head of really long tables.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You thought it was only people in movies that were tied to railroad tracks by mustachioed villains, but your upcoming experience on Walt Disney World's monorail will prove otherwise.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You'll find yourself simultaneously at the heart of a legal tangle and the burn ward when you finally get the opportunity to yell "Fire!" in a crowded theater.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    All your old problems will dissolve when you're forced to confront what's really important, namely explosive botulism.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    After Wednesday, you can say you've seen everything. Unfortunately, you'll have seen it from such a distance that you won't be able to make out the details.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Everyone takes a while to adjust to new surroundings, but unfortunately, you only have eight minutes before the fissure begins to fill with magma.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Magritte says the mind loves images whose meaning is unknown, as the mind itself is unknown; but you actually think it's mostly about threesomes.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You believed being stranded on that desert island put an end to your run of lousy luck, but the natives will soon become strangely inspired and fashion a crude bus to hit you with.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You'll start waking covered in bruises on a variety of 12th- through 16th-floor exterior ledges, proving once and for all that you shouldn't piss off your city's powerful pigeon lobby.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Sure, you're exceptionally well-lit, but you're becoming tired of being followed around by a crew of technicians and their array of floods, pin-spots, and reflectors.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    It's been six months since you walked in and set up the tent, and the owners are considering changing the sign to All You Can Eat In One Sitting, Not Over The Course Of Your Lifetime.