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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Horoscope for the week of May 15, 2002

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your desire for a belt of human nipples wanes when you are told where human nipples come from.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    If it makes you feel any better, red to you is not red to everyone else. Other people's red is slightly deeper and more tasteful.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You've never asked for much out of life, but you have every reason to be disappointed, anyway.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    An unexpected career change will give you cause to look back fondly on the days when you had no idea who made fat-granny pornography.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Most people believe they're the star of their own story, but you're actually a supporting character in the story of that guy Dave in the design department.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Everyone wants to live forever, but in your case it would just mean more time being chased by an angry swarm of bees.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You're not actually the lost prince of a world within our own, forced to hide among the surface dwellers to protect yourself from your vengeful uncle. But thinking that may help you somewhat.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The age-old war between the sexes will come to an end next week when you unleash your nuclear sex bomb.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    If you think happy endings are superficial and unrealistic, you should be pleased with the way it all wraps up next Thursday.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The wonder is not how well the bear dances, but that it can dance at all. Still, the bear dances a hell of a lot better than you do.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You will devise a scheme that guarantees worldwide peace and prosperity, but it turns out to be unmarketable.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Lord knows you've tried, but you still can't understand how one person could watch all the high-quality TV they offer.

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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