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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
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Horoscope for the week of November 20, 2002

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your decision to start over with a brand-new life is admirable, but to do it properly, you should probably quit your job at Olive Garden.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You aren't the kind of person who enjoys the spotlight, so it's disturbing when you discover that you actually are the center of the universe.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You'll be truly surprised next week when a British gentleman teaches you the meaning of the word "bugger." Surprised, and rather disappointed.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You will suffer dire consequences after toying with powerful forces you do not understand, namely gravity.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    It seems the danger is over for now, but something tells you that you haven't seen the last of that dastardly villain.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Good things will happen when you least expect, greatly embarrassing you while you're trying to enjoy a shit in peace.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your impassioned speech about how use of the word "titties" is never funny will be drowned out by the shrieks of laughter at the word "titties."
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your defense lawyer is one of the best, but he will have a hard time blaming those 11 murders on the bossa nova, the dance of love.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Having a girl pop out of the birthday cake was a fine idea, but you really should have given more thought to when the cake is cut.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Reality falls short of expectations when you get more–albeit larger–ass than a toilet seat.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    If there's one lesson you've learned from the mythic, timeless sport of baseball, you have no idea what it is.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The awesome spiritual powers of the stars exert more influence on you than your own will, as far as that goes.
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