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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.
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Horoscope for the week of November 24, 1999

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Don't be too quick to judge others this week. Except, of course, for figure skaters, with whom you have a long history of leniency.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You will experience a magical adventure in a world of beauty and wonder when your local Fox affiliate proudly presents the Robin Williams film Jumanji.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You can't afford to turn your back on that collapsing romance or office building.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Please stop telling that tasteless joke about Linda McCartney. It wasn't funny the first time.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Try not to take yourself too seriously this week. God knows nobody else does.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You will become a national celebrity this week when the government decides that you are the common enemy against whom the American people will unite.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    The stars say you will go through some tough times later this week. What they're not telling you, however, is just how tough, which is the really good part.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Next week sees the exciting return of Andrew, which is pretty darn exciting if you know him.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Sagittarius may be the archer, but if it could be any car, it'd be a Corvette.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You know that wonderful, loving person who has been waiting so long to be let into your heart? Well, that sap isn't about to go away any time soon.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Hold out for what you want this week, but be reasonable: If you get most of what you asked for, let the kids and the old folks go free.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Remember: "Look before you leap" doesn't apply to situations like yours, in which the goal is dramatic suicide.

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