Aries | March 21 to April 19
Don't be too quick to judge others this week. Except, of course, for figure skaters, with whom you have a long history of leniency.
Taurus | April 20 to May 20
You will experience a magical adventure in a world of beauty and wonder when your local Fox affiliate proudly presents the Robin Williams film Jumanji.
Gemini | May 21 to June 20
You can't afford to turn your back on that collapsing romance or office building.
Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Please stop telling that tasteless joke about Linda McCartney. It wasn't funny the first time.
Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22
Try not to take yourself too seriously this week. God knows nobody else does.
Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22
You will become a national celebrity this week when the government decides that you are the common enemy against whom the American people will unite.
Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
The stars say you will go through some tough times later this week. What they're not telling you, however, is just how tough, which is the really good part.
Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21
Next week sees the exciting return of Andrew, which is pretty darn exciting if you know him.
Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21
Sagittarius may be the archer, but if it could be any car, it'd be a Corvette.
Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
You know that wonderful, loving person who has been waiting so long to be let into your heart? Well, that sap isn't about to go away any time soon.
Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
Hold out for what you want this week, but be reasonable: If you get most of what you asked for, let the kids and the old folks go free.
Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20
Remember: "Look before you leap" doesn't apply to situations like yours, in which the goal is dramatic suicide.
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