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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.
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Horoscope for the week of November 24, 2004

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Although nothing exciting usually happens to you, the law of averages will catch up this week and everything exciting will happen to you all at once.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    What was shaping up to be the worst Christmas ever will be salvaged when you barely make it past Thanksgiving.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You'll win an improbable bet by driving a stolen SWAT van through a burning oil refinery, but due to a lack of faith and foresight, the prize will be five bucks.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    An old man will finally teach you how to read letters and numbers. Since he meant no harm, you should probably stop the other villagers from burning him.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    If you think that nothing you do matters anymore, it would behoove you to consider your use of the word "anymore."
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You couldn't parallel park if your life depended on it, so it's unfortunate that, due to the alien invaders' strange emphasis on motorist competence, that's exactly what it comes down to.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Take heart: There are people with bigger problems than yours, and acting like you care about them will get you laid.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Yours is a story rife with pathos, sacrifice, and sexual intrigue, so it's confusing to see how pathetic it all sounds when you finally write it down.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your sense of triumph over getting a white rhino to mate in captivity will dissipate when the disgusted biologists inform you that they wanted it to mate with another rhino.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You'll achieve notoriety at the patent office after you discover a way to turn food into a nitrate-rich material useful in the fertilization of crops.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You've read everything you can on the subject, but it still seems to you that some stuff about religion just doesn't add up.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You'll finally get the public humiliation you deserve for using yellow food coloring instead of eggs in the batter at your British-style chip shop.

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