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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Horoscope for the week of November 25, 1998

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your first visit to a cockfight ends in disaster when you find out that the competition is actually between chickens.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You will meet a charming, witty, considerate, handsome man and instantly fall deeply in love with him. Of course, this will destroy your relationship with your wife and three kids.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    All your dreams will come true this week, even the one in which you fall straight down for miles and miles.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You will drown in 20 gallons of warm, soapy water this week when you forget to remove your clothes before washing them.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The largest hailstone on record fell in Coreyville, KS, on Sept. 3, 1970, and weighed 1.67 pounds, making it less than half the size of the one that will slam into your head in a few seconds.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The stars indicate that they are moving apart from each other at an astounding velocity, a phenomenon that portends the eventual heat-death of the universe. This will have little to no effect on your week.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Saturn in your sign means that you are still single because you are choosy about potential mates, but Jupiter and Venus know it’s because you’re so goddamn fat.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Remember: God never gives you more than you can handle, except in certain special cases like next Tuesday at 4 p.m.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your birthday’s this week? Take heart! Though it’s certainly true that you’re not as young as you used to be, the stars say you’re just about as old as you’ll ever be.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The next seven days will see you journey a little farther down that path of unsuccessful non-failure you’ve come to acknowledge as your life.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You think you’ve found a new use for malt powder, but people have actually been mixing it with ice cream and milk for years.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will decide to give your new boyfriend the nickname “Pickle” because he’s not a man at all, but a dill pickle.
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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