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As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Horoscope for the week of October 10, 2001

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your inability to get a cab has nothing to do with your neighborhood or skin color. It's because you live in Basco, WI, population 132.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You will experience a strange kind of moral and spiritual vertigo when you find yourself sympathizing with Army recruiters for the first time in your life.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Your acquisition of a state-of-the-art supercomputer will mark your entry into the elite, top rank of the world's solitaire players.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You're beginning to detect strong feelings of ill will from the other people at the office. You should stop showing up every day or get a job there.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Your best friend will finally prove to everyone's satisfaction that his crippled old grandmother could take you in a fight.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Though they are brown and have two legs, they are kangaroos, not pants.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    While reading the biography of famed designer Bill Mitchell, you learn, much to your surprise, that you are an example of planned obsolescence.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will finally achieve a lifelong dream of getting on television when you jump up and down and wave while standing behind the teary, emotional reporter.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    In dogsledding, persistence is everything. However, you're starting to think that it would be easier to simply wait for winter.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    After 14 long years, you will be admitted to the Baseball Hall Of Fame when you finally come up with the $11.50 admission price.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    The stars would like to remind you that their birthday may be a ways off, but nothing on their list is exactly cheap.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You are starting to find yourself more and more obsessed with people who, unlike yourself, actually do things.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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