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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Horoscope for the week of October 11, 2000

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    After enduring the false smiles and empty promises of the business world for 22 years, you'll appreciate the candor of the DEA agents assigned to you.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    It seems like another sleepy day around your house. Unless, of course, you live at 332 Pheasant Drive in Yuma, AZ.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You've lost your enthusiasm, but you're unsure if it was "damped" or "dampened."
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Cancer would like to take this opportunity to point out that it was right about the unrest in Yugoslavia.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Though you've been telling everyone that you "went down on a boatload of sailors," the aircraft carrier Nimitz is actually a "ship."
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You will make religious and scientific history when you develop a machine that converts standard English measurements to Islam.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    While it's true that life is not a movie, many of your problems will be solved when the Army destroys the giant lizard 10 minutes before the end.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Things have certainly changed for you during these last few years. For one thing, eating a complete breakfast is now more important than ever.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You will be hailed as a Catholic genius when you invent a new rhythm that's 45 percent effective in preventing non-predestined pregnancies.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will be one step closer to perfection when famed Italian engineer Massimo Bordi redesigns you for better airflow and optimal fuel atomization.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Wednesday will provide those who know you a perfect opportunity to marvel about how right Dante was about the fate of moneylenders.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The stars indicate success for you, but they do so with enough ambiguity to cover any possible alternatives.

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