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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Horoscope for the week of October 25, 2000

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will find yourself feeling strangely disappointed after a night of fairly amazing sex with the 11th most beautiful woman in the world.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Though it seems to make sense, there's just something you don't trust about this newfangled "eat right and exercise" weight-loss plan.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will earn the gratitude of The New York Times for your unusually humorous contribution to the paper's obituary section.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Don't worry: Men won't realize it's a prosthesis at first, and by the time they do, they'll have paid and gone.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Your lifelong fear of caramel apples will finally prove useful, albeit a little too late.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You will spend two years in prison for sodomy, though you were sentenced for embezzling.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will shock the nation when, due to an amazing set of circumstances, you accidentally pass for 347 yards and two touchdowns against the Redskins.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will find yourself on the wrong side of Loretta Lynn this weekend when you foolishly come home a-drinkin' with lovin' on your mind.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    There is nothing you can do to avert what fate holds in store for you this week, mostly because there is nothing you can do at all.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Though People mentioned your satisfying family life and hobbies, you still think you were put in the magazine because of your fame and good looks.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You've been on hold for three years now and are beginning to suspect that your call isn't important to them, after all.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You are mystified that, after all these years, people still ask you to explain your constant nudity.

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