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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Horoscope for the week of October 27, 1999

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will be distressed to find yourself listed under "old oil bottles" in your local sanitation department's "recyclopedia."
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    It's true that your father once said, "When you're 18, you're out of the house," but he meant months, not years.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will fall victim to a dangerous personality disorder that makes you believe that the personal lives of celebrities are interesting and important.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You are a one-of-a-kind being, unique in the Universe and the most beloved in Creation. Can Cancer have 10 bucks?
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You will look like a prize jerk next week when your long-distance lover decides not to honor her end of the suicide pact.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Though investigators will have a hard time believing it, evidence at the scene seems to corroborate your claim that the entire West Virginia legislature "just darted out in front of [your] car."
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    After a promising start, your relationship with that special man has ground to a halt. Try wrapping your fists in tinfoil to give your punches more "zing."
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Don't fight the turning of the seasons: Time marches on, no matter how many leaves you glue back onto the trees.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Though this may seem like a good time to save money, you can't afford not to buy the attractive four-place Mikasa dining set Sagittarius is selling for $39.95.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Relax, gentlemen. Men's underwear commercials can't "turn you gay." Watch as many of them as your heart desires.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    An odd string of events ensures that you posthumously go down in history as The Father Of The 12-Horse-Team Massage.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will become the object of a Secret Service investigation upon coming into possession of a dangerously spicy Tex-Mex chili recipe.

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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