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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Horoscope for the week of October 29, 1996

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will never acheive your full potential as a person unless you can win your life’s most personal battles. Declare war on polyester/cotton blends.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    A period of ill health looms before you when the other members of your heavy metal band strap you to a chair and force seven pounds of uncooked sausage meat down your self-righteous vegetarian throat.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You will go down in history as the first practitioner of inspirational pamphlet-assisted suicide.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    When 14 bodies are discovered in your basement, your usual alibi of "The dog did it" is of absolutely no help—even though it's actually true this time.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    A sudden slave rebellion will take you by surprise, leaving you with the feeling that, had you been aware that you owned slaves, you could have nearly doubled your productivity.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You are in for the fight of your life this week when Diana Rigg overhears your catty remarks about the cut of her evening gown.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your translation of The Odyssey goes almost completely unread in the South.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your vanity and love of the spotlight override your common sense when you attend the 1997 Grammy Awards in a dress made of human skin.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    An error in translation while travelling results in a surprise sexual escapade with a camel.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Do not hide your light under a bushel. Douse yourself with kerosene and set yourself on fire.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Your community decides to honor your contributions to society by making you part of the new blacktop in the school parking lot.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You dream about eating a huge marshmallow. When you wake up, all your huge marshmallows are gone.
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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