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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Horoscope for the week of October 6, 1999

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Try to exercise a little diplomacy this week, as you are the U.S. ambassador to Namibia.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You don't understand the saying, "as serious as a heart attack," because all the ones you've seen have been hilarious.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The stars say this will be a very good week for you creatively. That is, until your back is turned—you should hear what they say then.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Don't follow people blindly into decisions. However, blindly following them into intersections would be interesting.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You find yourself incapable of differentiating between right and wrong, making it much easier for you to watch TV.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You know darn well what's going to happen this week. You're going to clean that garage like you promised Virgo you would two weeks ago.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You will see something this week that really makes you think. It's just an unusual-looking rock, but it's a start.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will cry because you have no shoes, until you see a man who has no feet. Then you will run away screaming and vomiting uncontrollably.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The events of this week will teach you that people change. The events of next week will teach you that they sometimes change into evil, flesh-eating zombies.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    It's a big, beautiful world out there. Don't go out there for even a second.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You will use enough morphine this week to kill a team of oxen. Not that it's any of the stars' business or anything, but that's a pretty weird way to kill oxen.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    The Earth rising in your sign this week means romance, travel and that you're somehow standing on the surface of another planet.

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