Horoscope for the week of October 7, 1998

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How Campaigns Spend Their Money

The 2016 election cycle is shaping up to be the most expensive in American history, with most presidential candidates already having raised tens of millions of dollars for their respective campaigns. Here is a breakdown of just how that money is spent:

Fan Can’t Believe He Left 11 Seconds Into Ronda Rousey Fight

RIO DE JANEIRO—Kicking himself for not staying all the way until the end of the fight and subsequently missing its thrilling finish, local mixed martial arts fan Marcos Acosta expressed both disappointment and regret Tuesday for leaving UFC 190’s main event between Ronda Rousey and Bethe Correia after 11 seconds.

Details Of Obama’s Climate Change Plan

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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fatherhood

  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Good Times

Horoscope for the week of October 7, 1998

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will fail to convince the police that you were innocently attempting to soothe the howler monkey.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Pluto is rising in your sign this week, prompting a $300 million copyright-infringement lawsuit by the Disney Corporation.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The amused stars want to know if you’ll do that trick with the butcher knife, fireworks and can of gasoline one more time.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You will receive a useful gift in the mail. Unfortunately, it is a gift certificate to a Big, Fat & Doomed men's store.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Nothing can stop Destiny from exerting its powerful influence over you if it so desires. However, it does not.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Your life has become mired in routine and repetition. For a refreshing change, try not to kill any nursing students this week.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    The stars that influence your life are actually dance-floor strobe lights at a second-rate Miami nightclub, and they instruct you to shake what it took your mama nine months to make.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your plans for the weekend seem simple enough, but they present a challenge when you realize that you have no idea how to "get some girls."
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Your inability to hear the letter s leads to humiliation when you wear a red wool outfit and carry a double-bitted axe and crosscut saw to a slumber party.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    The onset of autumn means one thing to Capricorn: Soon it will be time to swim upstream and spawn.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Though you are covered with pink fur, have a soft red rubber nose, and utter four simple phrases, you are by no means suitable for children.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    As foretold in Scripture, Christ will triumphantly return all your gifts this week.