Horoscope for the week of September 18, 2002

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Details Of Obama’s Climate Change Plan

President Obama unveiled Monday a plan to increase the country’s clean power usage that many are calling the strongest action ever taken by a U.S. president to combat the effects of climate change. Here are some key details of Obama’s climate change plan

Rescuers Heroically Help Beached Garbage Back Into Ocean

ATLANTIC BEACH, NC—In what many described as an inspiring display of selflessness and teamwork, a group of rescuers heroically saved a beached mound of garbage by helping the stranded trash back into the ocean, eyewitnesses reported Thursday.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

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Horoscope for the week of September 18, 2002

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your life is becoming boring, particularly to the people watching through the little peepholes.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You'll deliver triplets in an elevator this week, even though they aren't due for three months and the elevator isn't stuck.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You were brought up to love and fear God, but it's women who you truly love and fear.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your life has been a wonderful and varied symphony, but the bassoon, lower brass, and tympani are getting more minor-key solos this week.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You've always been ready for when push comes to shove, but you'll be unprepared when push comes to uppercut, broken bottle, and meat saw.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You're going to get one more chance to make it right. However, please note that in this case "it" refers not to your life but to beef Wellington.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You'll fail to deal with a personal tragedy this week, wasting all of your time trying to determine whether you deserved it.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your dream of becoming an accountant is ruined forever when economic circumstances force you to found and direct a modern dance troupe.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Though you consider yourself a master of anal sex, you're just a strange combination of hyper-organization and raw sensuality.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Your future is wide open, an endless ocean of possibilities, as long as you do nothing that takes more than three days.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    The stars have decided that your life needs no changes, at least from their perspective.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Drugs and alcohol are not the answer to your problems. Then again, hard work and self-reliance are, so drugs and alcohol will have to do.