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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Horoscope for the week of September 23, 1997

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You're tired of the people at work treating you like an incompetent nincompoop, but upon further reflection, you have to admit they're right.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You will be chosen to star in a new television adventure series this week. Unfortunately, the show's title is The Constantly Drunk Bus Driver And The Marvelous Mr. Chicken Take Tulsa.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    All your hip, ironic '80s rock T-shirts will wear out at once this week, leaving you feeling despondent and old.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    After being abandoned on a cross-country family camping trip, your beloved German shepherd will cover 2,000 miles to return home and tear out your femoral artery.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    The stars in Leo are harbingers of neither good nor evil this week. They are, in fact, massive fusion reactions millions of miles across.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    No matter what happens to you this week, the good people at Virgo are there to help. Virgo... Where People Are The Stars.™
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your long journey toward spiritual perfection will be hindered this week by yet another sexy priest.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your last words will become famous around the world next Friday.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You will enjoy inner peace this week when you finally come to terms with your grandmother's death, almost 10 years after you beat her skull in with a tire iron.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Your love life takes a turn for the better this week when you discover a magic passion elixir made from the secretions of Spanish flies.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Fire and earth magic are strong in Aquarius this week. Seek out the nearest active volcano and throw virgins into the caldera until you become rich and famous.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You learn that good intentions don't always lead to good results this week when your plan to unite Russia under a centrally controlled Catholic monarchy leads to the slaughter of 40 million peasants.
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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