Horoscope for the week of September 8, 1999

Top Headlines

Recent News

Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage



Horoscope for the week of September 8, 1999

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    For years, you've been a fixture in your community, but next week they're tearing you down to build a shopping mall.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The stars have somehow managed to predict love for Taurus without moving, blinking or spelling out anything.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Gemini is now taking applications for part-time waitstaff positions. Must enjoy working with others in a fun and challenging environment. Apply in person.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your cool demeanor sometimes leaves others wondering what you're really feeling. Consider using "emoticons."
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Last week was a wreck, but don't fret: Someone will come along to cut you out before the flames reach the gas tank.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Air and water magicks are strong in Virgo this week. If conditions are favorable, it could very well rain.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You begin to show signs of a natural talent for soccer, which is too bad, because soccer is for pussy-assed faggots.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will cross many sociopolitical boundaries when your school bake sale yields enough money to buy a B-1B medium-range bomber.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    You realize your lover doesn't know just how beautiful he really is on the inside. Get a scissors and show him.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Trouble looms at work when the other pimps suspect you're trying to muscle in on their whores. Use hand puppets to communicate your feelings about it.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You're in for a breakthrough when you realize that the "voices in your head" are actually coming from that curved piece of plastic with the number buttons and the cord.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will become one with the Universe next week, incurring the wrath of all the Universe's old boyfriends.