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Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
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Youe Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will mistakenly bring your enemies list instead of your grocery list to the supermarket this week, resulting in the purchase of a bottle of Paul Newman's ranch dressing, a box of Uncle Ben's Minute Rice, and artichokes.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    A disastrous pattern error will result this week in a fashionable dress you are finally able to fit into.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Your reputation as a great conversationalist will be challenged this week, when you steer a discussion momentarily outside of the DC/Marvel universes.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    While at first it may have seemed like a pleasant, carefree way to pass the time, you'll be brought to your knees by next week's word jumble.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    It could just be a coincidence, but you're starting to suspect there's more to your local Barnes & Noble's decision to move its Gay/Lesbian section next to its Self-Help section.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You will succeed beyond your wildest expectations this week, when you win a pie-eating contest and then, minutes later, take first place in a pie-vomiting contest.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Long, gray beards have for centuries been linked to wisdom and shrewdness. Sadly, you get yours caught in the fax machine far too often for that to be the case.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Sure, it's disappointing, even heartbreaking, but if you look at it another way, everybody won that child-custody battle.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    What begins as an innocent, civilized debate over who has the sharpest butterfly knife will quickly turn heated this week, ending minutes later in unforeseen tragedy.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You've long known the guys at NASA have a tendency to pull pranks, but you'll still agree to check on a supposedly broken wind tunnel next week.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    After politely refusing to join the mile-high club, the three-quarter-mile-high club, and the half-mile-high club, you will finally acquiesce, and join the 322-feet-high club during next Monday's flight.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You've experienced the convenience of the "copy" keyboard shortcut for years now, but it'll really start paying off after you discover the "paste" keyboard shortcut this week.


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