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Vol 41 Issue 36

Strategic Oil Reserves

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, President Bush is tapping the strategic oil reserve to help petroleum refiners. What do you think?

CBGB's Lease Expires

The landlord of the CBGB's building announced that he will not renew the lease of the legendary New York club. What do you think?

Chimp Genome Mapped

Scientists have mapped the complete chimp genome and are comparing it to the human genome to see what sets the two species apart. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Energy

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    Venus in your sun sign means that you'll spend many hours this week traveling through some rough and unfamiliar romantic territory. Bullet holes in the road signs, however, mean you're traveling through Texas.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    There comes a time in a man's life when he begins to take stock—his thoughts turn to his place in the world, his impending mortality, and the meaning of life, if any at all... But yours will stay pretty much fixed on vaginas.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    This is a good week to remember that love is not a game for cowards. It's also not fair, not played by any rules, and not a game you can win, so good luck, Romeo.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    You'd always dreamed of the many glamorous ways in which being a rhino hunter would change your life, but it's pretty much the way it's always been except for hunting all the charging rhinos.
  • Leo

    Leo

    You will be shunned by some of the more traditional members of the tightly knit community of pornography directors for your tendency to ruin climactic moments by splashing the actresses with all the wrong bodily fluids.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    Despite your claims of historical importance and the need to remember America's fallen heroes, the authorities continue to refuse to grant you the permits required by your avid group of drug-war re-enactors.
  • Libra

    Libra

    You will be mortified at the group of self-righteous, middle-income, non-nurse-murdering losers that the state seems to consider a jury of your peers.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    No one knew that when you said "your own special brand of justice" you were just talking about another variation of the old ding-dong-ditch.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    You seem to glow with your own special inner light, which is probably because of all that radium in your diet.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Remember: Despite your talents and capabilities, you are just one person. Stop insisting that you're a 14-piece bluegrass band.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    You will inspire strong feelings in everyone you meet, particularly the older women on the parole board.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Jesus Himself in all His heavenly glory will appear before you, but unfortunately, the dream will only be moderately erotic.
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