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Vol 42 Issue 24

Whaling Ban Nearly Killed

Led by strong opposition from Japan, the body that governs commercial whaling came close to overturning the 20-year-old ban on the practice. What do...

Gates To Leave Microsoft

Bill Gates announced that he will be giving up his duties in the day-to-day operations of Microsoft in 2008. What do you think?

National Meat Surplus

Pork profits are substantially lower than last year because of a massive meat surplus. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Energy

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    They say you can't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, but after 3,000 feet, you're beginning to suspect he'd like to have his sneakers back.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    Approaching police sirens combined with your naturally paranoid tendencies will significantly alter the stuffing of tonight's honeysuckle white turkey.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    Nothing short of a propane blowtorch, a full-face respirator, an ample supply of drinking water, and a HAZMAT suit will adequately prepare you for next week's parent–teacher conference.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    After much analysis and numerous readings you will come to realize that Lord Alfred Tennyson's The Lady Of Shalott is actually a metaphor for the poet's complete lack of straightforwardness.
  • Leo

    Leo

    With the hours you spend each week writing and rewriting dozens of trivia questions, the least those contestants could do is wait until you're done reading them before buzzing in.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    During a time of great distress you will be strangely comforted by the thought that somewhere in the world, at that very moment, writer–actor Michael Ian Black is stuck having a discussion about Slinkies.
  • Libra

    Libra

    You will stumble upon an incredible found-art object this week moments after Rembrandt's "Portrait Of Nicolas Ruts" is mistakenly thrown out in a nearby dumpster.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    You will be charged with obstruction of justice this week after adding a giant bowler hat to your police sketch of the missing culprit.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    Remember: It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye—not an arm, half a right leg, a lower jaw, several organs, five pints of blood, and the complete control of his central nervous system.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    You will join hundreds of other Americans in protest outside the White House next week after President Bush announces plans to send only 2,000 improv troupes to fight in Iraq.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    A heated and extremely graphic argument with your wife about the effects of erectile dysfunction on your marriage will traumatize roughly 128 schoolchildren at the Grand Canyon next week.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    An out-of-body experience will soon leave you with a deeper understanding of just how much weight you should be trying to lose.
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