Your Horoscope

In This Section

Vol 42 Issue 36

Cigarettes Have More Nicotine

A recent study shows that the amount of nicotine in cigarettes rose an average of 10 percent between 1998 and 2004. What do you think?

NYC Unveils 9/11 Memorial Hole

NEW YORK—New York Governor George Pataki thanked President Bush for providing "ample, unquestioning financial support" for the $175 million pit.

New Oil Field Discovered

The Chevron Corporation has discovered an oil field in the Gulf of Mexico which could possibly produce 6,000 barrels a day. What do you think?

CNN's Chilling 9/11 Tribute

On the fifth anniversary this month, CNN.com will be streaming footage all day of the network's televised coverage from Sept. 11th, 2001, enabling...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comedy

Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    While studies have long found laughter to be good for one's heart, a new medical report will soon reveal it to be unbelievably bad for one's pancreas.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    You'll struggle to come up with a suitable punishment for your dog after he sheds his mortal coil all over your brand-new couch.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    As busy as things may get, don't forget to set aside a sizeable chunk of time this week to enjoy the complex pleasures in life.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    Self-important claims about being your own worst enemy this week will only serve to further inspire those already plotting your demise.
  • Leo

    Leo

    The stars predict, with a fair amount of facility, that your forthcoming rap album Holla-Caust will enjoy meager sales at best.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    There won't be enough Rohypnol in the world after you purchase the unsuspecting blonde three stools down a $10 cocktail this Thursday.
  • Libra

    Libra

    Three ethereal spirits will visit from beyond the grave this evening to teach you about the true meaning of skepticism.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Police investigators will once again make the mistake of ruling out boredom as the motive behind your latest series of battery assaults.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    As a citizen of the world, the threat of war with Iran leaves you deeply concerned, but as a video game enthusiast, it's really pretty exciting.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Disappointment will be yours this week, when a collection of science-fiction short stories proves to be padded with conceivable, intelligible tales.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    A tall, dark stranger will leave you embarrassed this week after claiming to be a tall, dark acquaintance of yours from college.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Days after discussing your diagnosis and remaining medical options with family members, an incensed oncologist will sue you for breaching doctor-patient confidentiality.
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More