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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Tomorrow will be the perfect day to curl up in bed with a good book and sob hysterically about how you never properly learned to read.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    You'll finally admit that getting a tattoo of your favorite rock band might have been a mistake. Sadly, it'll take the results of next Thursday's HIV test to bring the realization about.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Repeated, escalating strikes of a hammer against your kneecaps will test not only your body's natural reflexes, but also your ability to figure out that the man in the white coat isn't really a doctor.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    It is said that the eyes are the windows to one's soul, which helps explain why so many damn birds keep flying into them.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    While truth can often be found at the heart of good humor, everyone will laugh at your dissertation on "Political Obligation And The Just State" for a completely different reason.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You have no sympathy for people who always take the easy way out of difficult situations. What you have for them is empathy.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    After 30 grueling miles, you'll finally hit a wall next week while driving back home in your car.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your elderly mother will go quietly in her sleep, dying painfully moments later from the lethal combination of urine and a poorly insulated electric blanket.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    The stars think it's time you stopped letting fear control your life, and started letting it control the lives of those around you.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Thankfully, you'll already be seated when doctors break the news of your complete paralysis from the waist down.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Look on the bright side: The recent yellowing of your skin might just be a sign of personal maturation.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    While he'll respond to almost every other inquiry, a time traveler from the not-so-distant future will refuse to disclose whether that's your leather jacket he's wearing.

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