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Vol 42 Issue 40

KISS Guitarist Denied Royalties

Former KISS guitarist Vinnie Vincent was denied claims to royalties for the album Lick It Up by the Supreme Court recently. What do you...

Breast-Fed Babies No Smarter

According to research published in the British Medical Journal, breast feeding does not make babies any smarter. What do you think?

Oct. 4, 1951

Morty And Betty Crocker Executed For Selling Top-Secret Cake Recipes To Reds
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    While at first lighthearted and even fun, the mood will quickly turn this week when a road trip is taken too far.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    The birth of your first child will bring about a newfound sense of responsibility in friends, family members, and child-protection officials.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    Of all the plans you had for what you'd do with a million dollars, serving 12 years for grand larceny was probably pretty low on the list.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    A gas-powered chainsaw will cut off circulation in both of your arms, each leg, and a rather large chunk of your midsection.
  • Leo

    Leo

    You will remark, incorrectly, that the skinhead movement in America appears to be dying out, after visiting a Mississippi cancer ward this week.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    A drunken attempt to take your anger out on a nearby yacht later this week will accidentally result in the vessel's christening.
  • Libra

    Libra

    You will once again play the role of straight man this week to a long, tangled stretch of extension cord.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Your forgetful tendencies will infuriate those closest to you this week when you walk out, back in, and right out again on your wife and kids.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    Despite a lukewarm reaction from friends and family members, you still believe your life could someday make a great topic of conversation.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Launching a powerful laser pointer into space, an evil teenage mastermind will soon threaten to humiliate the world unless his demands are met.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    A private discussion among friends this week will leave you deeply ashamed about the size of your severance package.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    It seems like only yesterday that you were a child, but that's primarily due to the rare genetic disorder progeria.
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