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Vol 42 Issue 41

CBGB's Closes Down

After 33 years hosting punk shows, legendary club CBGB's closed its doors on Sunday. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    Your protest against the use of water cannons, tear gas, and rubber bullets to subdue unruly activists will succeed when riot-police officers simply kick the living shit out of you.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    An attempt to better market yourself will have lifelong repercussions after an ill-advised promotional giveaway off of Route 39.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    Standing before the statues of its once-great leaders, you will marvel at the colossal feats of Ancient Greece, amazed that an entire civilization of amputees was able to achieve so much.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    While you've managed to get away with it for years, your hectic schedule of burning the town at both ends will soon catch up to you.
  • Leo

    Leo

    As a writer you've struggled to capture the essence of Gary, Indiana, but as a perfume maker it's been a walk in the park.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    While the music will make your body move, it's the dance club's strobe lights that will make your body groove.
  • Libra

    Libra

    Years of training as a Boy Scout will lead you to escort an elderly woman across the street and take sexual advantage of her defenseless body in a nearby alleyway.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    This week a shattered tea set will serve as a fitting metaphor for your clumsy coming-of-age as a woman.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    You'll realize you've lost touch with today's youth when members of your own family start referring to you as "Grandpa."
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    So ashamed will you be about falling down the stairs that you'll lie to friends and family, telling them your husband beat you.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    You'll dodge a bullet this week when a shotgun slug is fired into your abdomen, piercing both kidneys, shredding your lower intestine, pancreas, and spleen, and puncturing your right lung, before miraculously missing your heart by mere centimeters.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    You will be singled out among many worthy candidates for your eye-catching looks, unmistakable presence and the fact that you murdered a homeless man in the early hours of Sept. 19.
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