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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Next week's appointment with an ear, nose, and throat specialist will start with some positive news about your ears and your nose.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    While the transformation and its implications may be difficult to accept, there's no longer any sense in denying it: You are now more beatbox than human.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Remember: You can only run away from your problems for so long before they catch up to you, tackle you, drag you into a nearby alley, and ultimately slit your throat.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Many will disapprove of your decision, but after carefully weighing the options, you'll once again go with the thinner woman.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You'll claim to have only been following doctor's orders, but jury members will still convict you of assisting in a series of barbaric musculoskeletal medical experiments.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    They say that a baby changes everything, and while you'll feel a little more pressure, in the end the game is still five-card stud.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Despite seemingly insurmountable odds, you will once again manage to talk your way out of sounding interesting this week.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Your body will be so battered and bloodied that police investigators will suspect necrophiliacs of having carried out the rape.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Dozens of low-income and at-risk families will suffer this week after you put another housing project off to the last minute.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Riding in a golf cart with snow cone in hand, you'll be tackled by two police officers this week after matching a composite caricature of a suspected murderer.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You'll be praised as a true original and an innovator of the art form after shooting a film whose plot unfolds in chronological order.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    With each week that passes—regardless of how many children are murdered—your ritual killings are beginning to feel more like your rote killings.

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