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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    Next week's appointment with an ear, nose, and throat specialist will start with some positive news about your ears and your nose.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    While the transformation and its implications may be difficult to accept, there's no longer any sense in denying it: You are now more beatbox than human.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    Remember: You can only run away from your problems for so long before they catch up to you, tackle you, drag you into a nearby alley, and ultimately slit your throat.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    Many will disapprove of your decision, but after carefully weighing the options, you'll once again go with the thinner woman.
  • Leo

    Leo

    You'll claim to have only been following doctor's orders, but jury members will still convict you of assisting in a series of barbaric musculoskeletal medical experiments.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    They say that a baby changes everything, and while you'll feel a little more pressure, in the end the game is still five-card stud.
  • Libra

    Libra

    Despite seemingly insurmountable odds, you will once again manage to talk your way out of sounding interesting this week.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Your body will be so battered and bloodied that police investigators will suspect necrophiliacs of having carried out the rape.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    Dozens of low-income and at-risk families will suffer this week after you put another housing project off to the last minute.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Riding in a golf cart with snow cone in hand, you'll be tackled by two police officers this week after matching a composite caricature of a suspected murderer.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    You'll be praised as a true original and an innovator of the art form after shooting a film whose plot unfolds in chronological order.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    With each week that passes—regardless of how many children are murdered—your ritual killings are beginning to feel more like your rote killings.
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