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What Smoking A Cigarette Does To The Body

With the FDA recently pulling multiple cigarette brands off the market, the conversation surrounding the harmful effects of smoking has been returning in full force to the national stage. Here is what happens to your body as you smoke a cigarette

Childish 12-Year-Old Still Believes In Father

HARTFORD, CT—Saying she just assumed he would have figured it out by now, local mother Kathleen Rivers expressed concern to reporters Tuesday that her 12-year-old son, Dylan, still believes in his father.

Obama Returns From Trade Summit With 5 Stout Ships Full Of Cardamom, Silk, And Indigo

WASHINGTON— Exhausted, berimed with salt, and haggard from his long sea journey, but nevertheless triumphant as he guided his fleet to port following the completion of the Trans-Pacific Partnership, President Barack Obama is said to have made harbor in Washington, D.C.’s anchorage Monday, his five sturdy galleons choked to the very gunwales with the finest silks, casks of redolent cardamom, and great cakes of vivid dye-of-indigo retrieved from the far Orient.

Uber Vs. Taxis

The rise of on-demand car service Uber has been the subject of much scrutiny for its effects on existing local taxi services, with cities unsure how to regulate it and consumers debating which one to use. Here is a side-by-side comparison of these two modes of transportation
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You claim that nobody understands your pain, but then how could they with you writhing around on the ground and shrieking unintelligibly all the time?
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Years of treating your body like a temple will backfire this Thursday when savage hordes of Turkish soldiers ruthlessly plunder its depths.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Remember: There's nothing you can't change if you just put your mind to it, and no mind you can't change if you just put your fists to it.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You will be charged with 1,348 counts of soliciting a minor by Thought Police officers this Thursday.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You've always been above petty sibling squabbles, but that was before your brother started getting preferential cancer treatment.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Sometimes it feels like all you do at work is clean up other people's shit, which isn't surprising considering you're employed full-time as a janitor.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Tired of the limitations of small-town life, you'll soon move to the city in search of bigger and better spare change.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You will once again make yourself sick over the smallest of possible ingested foods and liquids this week.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    When carrying out a book-burning, first stoke the fire with smaller, lighter works from Austen and Waugh, before throwing on the heavier hardbacks of Tolstoy and Joyce.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    A tragic boating accident will soon claim the lives of the lead singer, guitarist, and drummer of your one-man band.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    The image of the Virgin Mary will appear to you this week, completely obscuring your wife's sweat-streaked face in bed.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    They say there's nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound.