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How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Long after your death, many will remember you as the first man ever to simultaneously break both the sound and cement barrier.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Your new Civil War novel would have made a welcome addition to the corpus of American historical fiction if its main storyline hadn't already been used in an episode of Knight Rider.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    A man is often known by the company he keeps, which is more than enough reason for you to close down Wanton Bigotry, Inc.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You'll wake up next to a dead Taiwanese prostitute Sunday morning, and immediately regret your decision to pick up a dead Taiwanese prostitute the night before.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Unexpected and startling events in the coming days will compel you to become more familiar with your monthly menstrual cycle.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Your new job as a quality-control tester gets off to a rocky start when you fall for the old peanut-brittle-can gag 76 times in a row.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    While it may not be the most elegant of methods, you'll nonetheless solve a problem with your in-laws this week through the process of elimination.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You'll be made to feel like a princess this week when you're betrothed, without prior consultation, to the odorous and rotten-toothed King Gumperthon of neighboring Ilswich.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    A double-inclined plane will—through the application of downward force—drive a wedge between you and your spouse this week.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    You will be judged today by a group of your peers, as well as tomorrow and every subsequent day until graduation.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    After being tied to a set of railroad tracks for several decades, you'll finally meet your demise this week with the arrival of a repeatedly delayed Amtrak train.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Your firstborn child will have your eyes, thanks to delivery complications and the organ-donor sticker on your driver's license.

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