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Vol 43 Issue 05

KFC Purges Trans Fats

Fried-chicken chain KFC announced that they would change their cooking process to reduce trans-fats. What do you think?

Nuclear Plants Left Vulnerable

Federal regulators rejected nuclear policy group requests to increase security at California nuclear power plants, protecting them from aerial...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Small Business

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    Your wildest dreams will come true this week, only further proving that you deserved the chartered accountancy promotion.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    Spurred on by feelings of pressure and pain, you'll follow your heart about two-thirds of the way to the living room phone this week.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    A series of mob-related events will soon have dockworkers around the world referring to you as a barrel of laughs.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    Your entire life will flash before your eyes this week, an insignificant blip made all the more trivial by the Benny Hill theme that will accompany it.
  • Leo

    Leo

    Fighting back the tears and suppressing wave after wave of indignation, you'll take next Tuesday's hysterectomy operation like a man.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    While you've always claimed to work better under strict deadlines, hundreds of radiation victims will soon have reason to disagree.
  • Libra

    Libra

    You'll soon stumble upon the secret to a happy marriage—a secret so simple you'll take perverse pleasure in keeping it from your wife.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Just when you think you can't keep going any longer, you'll be forced to continue due to a series of everyday responsibilities and obligations.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    An agonizing and seemingly endless disemboweling will soon show you exactly what you're made of.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Sometimes in life one must take the good with the bad, even if it means pretending to be attracted to her mother.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    They say that you're not the man you used to be, that you've got nothing left inside of you worth saving. However, it's the fact that they're licensed surgeons that really makes it sting.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Your charred, lifeless body will time and again debunk the old myth about lighting never striking the same place twice.
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