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How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Your wildest dreams will come true this week, only further proving that you deserved the chartered accountancy promotion.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Spurred on by feelings of pressure and pain, you'll follow your heart about two-thirds of the way to the living room phone this week.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    A series of mob-related events will soon have dockworkers around the world referring to you as a barrel of laughs.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Your entire life will flash before your eyes this week, an insignificant blip made all the more trivial by the Benny Hill theme that will accompany it.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Fighting back the tears and suppressing wave after wave of indignation, you'll take next Tuesday's hysterectomy operation like a man.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    While you've always claimed to work better under strict deadlines, hundreds of radiation victims will soon have reason to disagree.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    You'll soon stumble upon the secret to a happy marriage—a secret so simple you'll take perverse pleasure in keeping it from your wife.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    Just when you think you can't keep going any longer, you'll be forced to continue due to a series of everyday responsibilities and obligations.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    An agonizing and seemingly endless disemboweling will soon show you exactly what you're made of.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Sometimes in life one must take the good with the bad, even if it means pretending to be attracted to her mother.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    They say that you're not the man you used to be, that you've got nothing left inside of you worth saving. However, it's the fact that they're licensed surgeons that really makes it sting.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Your charred, lifeless body will time and again debunk the old myth about lighting never striking the same place twice.

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