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Vol 43 Issue 13

Burger King Going Cageless

Burger King announced that it would begin buying pork and eggs from farms that do not cage or crate their animals. What do you think?

Misbehavior Linked To Day Care

A recent study showed that children who attended day care for a year or longer were more likely to be disruptive in grade school. What do you...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    Your health will continue to decline due to your tendency to catch every little sniffle, cough, and axe that comes your way.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    You thought the loss of your true love was the worst pain you could ever feel, but that was before you started vomiting up huge gouts of furious hornets.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    It's been a long time since you were hit by a bus, a fact that will suddenly occur to every commercial-license-holding man and woman within 350 miles of your house.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    You'll finally be scheduled for that heart transplant, but unfortunately you'll get that one surgeon who suffers from simultaneous narcolepsy, sleepwalking, and incredibly vivid dreams about attending pig roasts.
  • Leo

    Leo

    You'll ignore the voice of reason once again this week, but that's largely due to it having grown hoarse and nearly inaudible over the years.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    While you'll incur the contempt of hundreds for killing a man at point-blank range, you would've likely earned the disdain of thousands more had you missed from so close up.
  • Libra

    Libra

    As hard as you may try, there are some things in life that just can't be explained without the help of a clear and concise PowerPoint presentation.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    The week will start off shaky for you, but as long as you remember to... If You'd Like To Read More Of This Horoscope, Please Send $10 COD to Scorpio, Helena, MT 59601.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    You'll be forced to choose between all that life has to offer and few more minutes of sleep this week.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    Remember: It's not the size of the boat that matters, but whether or not it's equipped with fresh water, flare guns, shark repellent, and a copy of the Bible.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    You'll make a definite impression on the object of your desire this week when you carve a heart and your initials on the big tree in the park as well as on the surface of your eyes.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    You've never been one to toot your own horn, but that was before your girlfriend dumped you and the car accident dislocated your hips.
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