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Dad Shares Photo Album Through Never-Before-Seen Website

SECAUCUS, NJ—Wondering aloud how the father of three even managed to find the online image-hosting service, family members of local dad Phil Yates told reporters Monday the 57-year-old had shared a photo album with them through a never-before-seen website.

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

NASA Discovers Distant Planet Located Outside Funding Capabilities

WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.

A Primer On Everyday Sexism

Though opportunities for women have increased considerably over the past century, insidious everyday sexism continues to inform the female experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about this pervasive form of discrimination

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Once again you'll wind up with the kind of ambulance driver who thinks he can blow the flames out if he just drives fast enough.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Quit insisting that if you could walk that way you wouldn't need the cornstarch. You know you'd need the damn cornstarch anyway.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    The good news is that the lumpy mass in your pancreas doesn't seem to be cancer. The bad news is that almost everything else inside you does.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    The stars waited a long time just to be sure, but it looks as though you were in fact wrong about e-mail being the CB radio of the '90s.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Although you're relieved psychologists cured you of the delusion that you're a chicken, you're dreading returning home to find all those "eggs" you remember laying.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    You were told that getting a puppy would help you meet girls, but they still don't seem to want to approach you, no matter how cute the little guy looks inside your translucent thorax.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    What you thought was a flippant remark will lead you directly to the 17 people you have to blow to get a drink around here.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    You have no idea who the hell this Orwell guy was, but he sure screwed up when he didn't fill up that farm with hilarious monkeys.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    If there's anything better than working 50 hours a week in an air-conditioner filter plant, you don't want to know what it is, because hey, that's all you're ever going to do and you'd hate to be dissatisfied.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    People tell you to follow your dreams, but lately they've been going to some really bad neighborhoods in the middle of the night and getting mixed up with some pretty unsavory characters.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    A much-needed change of scenery is in store for you this week when wildfires sweep through your area, charring everything visible from your cell's tiny window.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You're the kind of person who can find something positive in anyone. Then again, you're also the kind of person who finds pain hilarious, so it's not that hard for you.

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