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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Sometimes expressing yourself to your boyfriend might be difficult, but he can't read your mind. Break up with him and find a psychic boyfriend.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    It may have been a unique way to propose marriage, but you wish that your husband would simply pick up the phone and call you, rather than renting the Jumbotron every time he has something to say.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    You’ve been struck by Cupid’s magical arrow before, but you and dozens of others will be unprepared for his use of an enchanted Gatling gun.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Remember: Only by eliminating feelings of jealousy and competition can you become as happy and healthy a person as that smug bitch Rebecca.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    You've slaved away for months to design your own fashion line, but it's your boyfriend who will make a splash with his insouciantly tucked-in turtlenecks.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    An impromptu survey of the NHL's 10 best goalies ranks you as the worst lay in all of the U.S. and Canada.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    Your real name will eventually be forgotten, but you will enter the American folk mythos as The Woman With Great Hair Who Still Couldn't Keep A Man.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    The twin specters of confusion and bankruptcy haunt your life when Wilford Brimley confronts you with a prenuptial contract you do not remember signing.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Alarming developments this week mean that withholding sex will no longer be one of your more effective threats.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Northerly winds will whisper the name of a former love in your ear, ruthlessly mocking you for having had a relationship with someone called "Ooooouuuuussssshhhhhh."
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    While your claims of being a self-made woman are valid, everyone's still a little distracted by all the purplish-black scars and amateurish stitching.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Perhaps the color and positions of the stains on your boyfriend's mattress can offer a clue as to how he earned the money he's stuffed inside it.
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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