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Vol 43 Issue 22

Sheehan Quits Peace Movement

Cindy Sheehan, who lost her son in Iraq, is leaving peace activism, citing disillusionment with the Democrats and an antiwar movement that "often...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    Benevolent gods will finally take pity on you and reward you for your suffering, but unfortunately they're the gods of corn and lima beans and as such, reward you in succotash.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    Because of your unhealthy relationship with public transportation, counselors will spend months trying to convince you that the bus does not hit you because it loves you.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    Your arduous quest for self-improvement will hit yet another snag this week when you admit you have a crush on Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    Saturn will enter your sign this week just as the cute new employee in accounting is about to ask you out, ruining your chances for happiness forever.
  • Leo

    Leo

    Your inability to heed a single piece of celestial advice has driven the stars in your sign to become gamma-ray bursters. Your fear of commitment is now responsible for the radiation deaths of three trillion aliens in seven systems.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    You'll end this week pretty much the way you started it, at least from a purely chemical-composition standpoint.
  • Libra

    Libra

    You are a fool if you do not consider purchasing the stars' low-mileage 1999 Oldsmobile Alero, featuring a clean interior, six-CD changer, new tires, and a recent service, all for just $3,600.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    Love means different things to different people, but you're the only one for whom it means that to every w-consistent class K of formula there correspond recursive class-sign r (on free var. v), such that neither (v Gen r) nor ~(v Gen r) belong to Flg (K).
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    At the risk of sounding too forward, and with full knowledge they are acting outside their purview, the General Mills board of directors is of the opinion that a navy blue sports coat looks great on anyone.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    You think of yourself as the kind of person who hungers for all the knowledge and new experiences life has to offer, but actually you usually fill up on the free salad and breadsticks.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    After the fire at your place, investigators won't want to question you so much about smoking in bed or the grow lights in the closet but about the stacks and stacks of bridal magazines.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Although the editors at Penguin have received your letters and are sorry you do not "get" Milton, they will refuse to make any of your 3,264 suggested changes to Paradise Lost.
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