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How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:

Details Of Dream House Getting Much Less Specific With Each New Place Found In Price Range

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—With her initially stated desire for restored wide-plank floors and a walk-in pantry having already been broadened to any hardwood or laminate flooring and decent kitchen storage space, sources confirmed Friday that aspiring homeowner Chelsea Lange has supplied a progressively vaguer description of her dream home with each new place she reviews in her price range.
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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You'll take a bold stand against hundreds of years of accepted business practices when you refuse to base your in-office wardrobe on a two-button navy blue suit.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    The stars see nothing wrong with chiding someone for wearing pleat-fronted khakis, but it's better to go easy on someone wearing the same style of pant in a gabardine.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Take care this week when purchasing hand-made loafers, as many of the modern designers use sole leather prone to slippage and cracking.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    You'll be the object of mockery for days after mistakenly telling your tailor to use too shallow a break in the cuffs of your trousers.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    While there's no doubt that plastic collar stays have their place in the fast-paced modern world, Jupiter ascendant in Leo means it's time to invest in a set crafted from old-fashioned brass.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    With the right collar, three-button sport coats don't have to look old fashioned, and they can often accommodate PDAs or smartphones in their more generous interior pockets.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    A mysterious stranger will appear and teach you how a suit in a bold (not to say loud) checked pattern can add dignified character to your closet, as long as you augment it with plain shirts and solid ties.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    A summer-weight wool suit is a nice idea, but let's face it: Wool is still wool.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    This is a good time to make changes in the workplace, especially if you have the kind of quiet authority a pair of heirloom-quality cuff links confer.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    Fear will be your prime motivator this week, but don't be afraid to wear brown shoes with a blue suit as long as the shoes are well-kept and match your belt.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    Self-honesty is the most difficult road a man can walk, especially when one is forced to admit that almost no one looks good in both tweeds and pinstripes.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Discomfort will be your greatest obstacle this week; no matter who tailored it or how good it looks on the hanger, you won't look good in it if you're not comfortable.

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