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Strongside/Weakside: Serena Williams

Serena Williams is aiming to clinch a historic calendar Grand Slam at this year’s U.S. Open, forever enshrining her as the last American tennis player worth talking about. Is she any good?

The Pros And Cons Of Legalizing Prostitution

Several global advocacy groups, including the World Health Organization, Amnesty International, and Human Rights Watch, are calling for the decriminalization of prostitution, but many are fighting to keep the practice illegal, citing the moral, ethical, and practical concerns of condoning the sale of sex. Here are the pros and cons of legalizing prostitution:
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Satisfaction

  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

Protection

  • Guards Gun Down Four Angels Escaping From Heaven

    THE HEAVENS—Killing four and critically wounding several others, armed guards dispatched from the Right Hand of God reportedly opened fire early Monday morning on a group of angels attempting to escape from heaven. One of the Eternal Kingdom’s...

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    Although you believe that everyone is entitled to his own opinion, sometimes you wish that doctors would keep what they think to themselves.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    Remember: Whoever said that "money isn't everything" was probably being paid to write proverbs for a living.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Avoid making any important decisions this week, as the tumor lodged inside your brain will make it difficult for you to think clearly.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    A rampaging mob of torch-wielding villagers will gather at your door this week after learning what a monster you are on the inside.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Passion will enter your life this week, stop momentarily to regain its bearings, curse two to three times underneath its breath, and slowly inch its way back out the door.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    Second-guessing yourself this week will only lead to more problems. Or will it? Yeah, it probably will.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    They say that time heals all wounds. Try to keep that in mind as you lie clutching your midsection in that abandoned warehouse this week.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    While it's impossible to imagine what life would be like without your children, you'd love to have an hour to yourself in order to try.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Love is in the air this week...or wait, no—that's a pigeon. Sorry, the stars always seem to get those two things confused.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    While you've often wondered what it'd be like to attend your own funeral, claw marks on the inside of your coffin will soon reveal it to be a rather terrifying experience.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You'll try to obey orders by murdering a bus full of schoolchildren this week, only to realize that the dog just wanted to be taken out for a walk.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    You will learn the true meaning of friendship this week when a coworker surprises you with a copy of Webster's Dictionary for your birthday.