adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.
End Of Section
  • More News

Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries | March 21 to April 19

    You will have your mind blown this week by nothing more than a shotgun slug traveling at near supersonic speed.
  • Taurus

    Taurus | April 20 to May 20

    While there may never be a good time to lose a parent, the middle of your third trimester is probably the worst.
  • Gemini

    Gemini | May 21 to June 20

    Agony and torment will soon be yours when a pack of wild dogs aggravate your dander allergy.
  • Cancer

    Cancer | June 21 to July 22

    Sadly, the coming week will end for you much as it started: on Monday.
  • Leo

    Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

    Paranoid fears that the entire world is out to get you will be proven false this week when only the FBI, the CIA, seven state police departments, and an international task force agency are found to be on your trail.
  • Virgo

    Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

    The splatter-porn film you starred in many years ago resurfaces, but don't be embarrassed: Nine-year-olds are allowed to make mistakes.
  • Libra

    Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

    While hard and fast rules are oftentimes overly simplistic and flawed, you cannot argue with the logic that whoever smelt it most likely also dealt it.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

    A seemingly average morning will quickly turn terrifying when you can't remember getting into a pool of your own blood the night before.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

    Be careful that your careless words do not break a certain person's heart this week. Instead, break it with a well-placed ax blow.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

    By hook or by crook, you will crotchet yourself a matching scarf and hat this winter.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

    You will finally gain the respect of your peers this Thursday after hours spent begging for it on your hands and knees.
  • Pisces

    Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

    Looking back now, it's easy to see that hindsight is 20/20.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close