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Vol 43 Issue 37

Description Of Sexual Fantasy Changing With Girlfriend's Reaction

Local resident Ethan Kendler's description of his sexual fantasies to girlfriend Rebecca LaBatt veered awkwardly from the kinky to the banal Sunday, as a raunchy but emotionally honest expression of carnal desire degenerated into inoffensive, marginally erotic entreaties.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Your Horoscope

  • Aries

    Aries

    You will have your mind blown this week by nothing more than a shotgun slug traveling at near supersonic speed.
  • Taurus

    Taurus

    While there may never be a good time to lose a parent, the middle of your third trimester is probably the worst.
  • Gemini

    Gemini

    Agony and torment will soon be yours when a pack of wild dogs aggravate your dander allergy.
  • Cancer

    Cancer

    Sadly, the coming week will end for you much as it started: on Monday.
  • Leo

    Leo

    Paranoid fears that the entire world is out to get you will be proven false this week when only the FBI, the CIA, seven state police departments, and an international task force agency are found to be on your trail.
  • Virgo

    Virgo

    The splatter-porn film you starred in many years ago resurfaces, but don't be embarrassed: Nine-year-olds are allowed to make mistakes.
  • Libra

    Libra

    While hard and fast rules are oftentimes overly simplistic and flawed, you cannot argue with the logic that whoever smelt it most likely also dealt it.
  • Scorpio

    Scorpio

    A seemingly average morning will quickly turn terrifying when you can't remember getting into a pool of your own blood the night before.
  • Sagittarius

    Sagittarius

    Be careful that your careless words do not break a certain person's heart this week. Instead, break it with a well-placed ax blow.
  • Capricorn

    Capricorn

    By hook or by crook, you will crotchet yourself a matching scarf and hat this winter.
  • Aquarius

    Aquarius

    You will finally gain the respect of your peers this Thursday after hours spent begging for it on your hands and knees.
  • Pisces

    Pisces

    Looking back now, it's easy to see that hindsight is 20/20.
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